Third trimester

Welcome to hell.

Unless you fully enjoy being a beluga whale who can’t get comfortable, then welcome to the third trimester. People are probably commenting on how huge you are, asking all sorts of inappropriate questions and yet all you want to do is sleep.

This was my least favorite trimester, like for real, get this baby OUT.

Getting comfortable to sleep was a nightmare and pregnancy pillows do jack shit, but I mean you can try.

Also support belts don’t do much, except support my hatred for them.

Your pregnancy glow is probably a mixture of sweat and tears and wishing you could eat sushi, but girl you’re almost there no worries.

You will get sharp pains in your vagina, they’re harmless, it’s okay, it’s just the lovely lightening crotch from your bundle of joy sitting on a nerve.

Speaking of your bundle, they should be head down and making their way to your cervix.

Braxton Hicks may be more frequent and scary, but if they go away with rest, water and are sporadic, you’re okay.

Remember your doctor is there for a reason, always ask questions.

Also your vaginal discharge will be like..a fountain, forever wet, but if you feel a small gush at all please see a doctor.

Also now is the time to pack a hospital bag, if you’re from the UK you might as well pack the whole damn nursery in a suitcase because the hospital provides nothing.

As for USA ladies, just pjs for yourself, going home clothes for the baby, and chapstick. Also of course important documents.

1 thought on “Third trimester”

  1. Parker and I were talking about going to Mystic for our babymoon to see the aquarium and all I can think is, “Just what they need – another whale.”

    Like

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