Pregnancy help

When you’re pregnant you’re told an amazing amount of things are off limit. It’s astounding. So I’m here to help, sorta, I mean it’s an at your own risk kind of deal.

No coffee?

Yes coffee, 200 mg of caffeine is fine, that’s about 1 cup, some women have 2, then the rest is some.. delicious decaf.

Canned goods?

This one confused me, something about preservatives?! You’ll be fine unless everything you eat is from a can (ew)

Hot dogs.

Nitrates, just nuke the damn thing and have 1 once in a while, don’t sit there and gorge on a whole pack. (beware of those hot dog burps tho you majestic gassy human)


Bacteria in raw things obviously. If it’s a reputable place that’s 100% clean I mean go for it buuuut why risk it?


I mean I had it cause I wasn’t thinking, this is at your own risk kind of meal. (I just really wanted liverwurst). You can nuke it or fry it for safety.

Deli meats

They carry listeria, which is incredibly rare, but if you’re scared the suggestion is to microwave the meat first (ew)


Apparently they make your body “hot”. I don’t even know what that means, I ate literally a whole package.

Soft cheeses

I think something..with bacteria? I’m not sure, but I’m sure french women didn’t stop eating soft cheese.

Tuna fish

Mercury! Dreaded Mercury. You can have tuna once in a blue moon but stay away from swordfish and shark, those are WAY higher in Mercury.

Enjoy your restricted pregnancy diet NO WONDER WE’RE SO GRUMPY.

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